Welcome to (Deadly) Australia

by Geoff Hart

Welcome to Oz! Good on you for ignoring the slander that everything’s out to kill ya. Funnel-web spiders? Easily avoided. Keep feet and fingers out of dark, enclosed spaces, like bedsheets. (Kidding! They almost never infest bedsheets. Almost.) Don’t fret over copperheads either; taipan’s more likely to do for ya. Don’t step on anything long, thin, and brown and you’ll be right, mate. Blue-ringed octopus? They never come ashore to hunt humans; they’re too worried about the taipans and spiders. And the salties? They’re real. If you don’t see any Aussies swimming, don’t dip a toe. Nasty buggers, those crocs.

(With thanks to Matt Stevens for an Australian reality check.)

Geoff Hart

Geoff (he/him) works as a scientific editor, specialising in helping scientists who have English as their second language publish their research. He’s the author of the popular Effective Onscreen Editing and Write Faster with Your Word Processor, and has sold 58 stories thus far.
Website: www.geoff-hart.com